Shying away equates to running away.  Until we come to terms with whatever “it” is, we will only continue to attract people with those same traits.  Just deal with it.  It’s not the individuals themselves that pose a threat.  The biggest threat is not dealing (acknowledging) with your own issues.

Peace – Kimberly

It basically implies that “black” churches are hindering women from getting married. WRONG.

The idea that the predominant racial makeup of a house of worship (church) affects whether someone gets married or not is lunacy.

Before I go further, I’ll be referring to the term “church” as it is most commonly misunderstood as – a building rather than it’s true definition as “the body of Christ.”

Once again, the world right down to main stream media has tried to understand a certain dynamic and point blame when they fail.

Here’s my perspective. I’m not going to scripture choke you. I’m just going to keep it simple.

Marriage and courtship are so simply laid out in the Bible that its not even funny and you don’t have to be a Bible scholar, theologian, etc to understand it. Bottom line it doesn’t matter if you attend a segregated (it is what it is) church or an integrated, nondenominational church, the Bible and its principles are still the same. The one thing that matters is the foundation of which the pastor/leader of that church bases his/her sermons on. If it’s Bible teaching, it’s simple. Do what the Bible says. If a pastors sermons is based on events of the week, latest gossip in town, their knowledge instead of God’s Word, pulpit retaliation, narcissism, entertainment rather than leadership, or spiritual elitism, then the solution again is easy…seek God for another church.  Our spiritual wellbeing is the one thing we can be selfish about.  It’s nothing to play with.

If a woman who knows better isn’t positioning herself and preparing herself to become a wife regardless of whether she’s destined to or not, then that’s her fault. If a woman who knows better lives her life solely based on what the preacher says just on Sundays, then it’s her fault. Spiritual growth isn’t limited to 11 Sunday morning.  If a woman who knows better doesn’t have a conviction about living righteously with respect for herself and her body, then it’s her fault.

If one is to say a woman’s church is the reason why she isn’t married then it’s not the church (Body of Christ), it’s the teaching of that local body (church/house of worship) which obviously isn’t God’s word.

If a woman is a part of a Bible teaching church and is reading and applying the Word of God to her life as it is written and she still isn’t married, so what. She doesn’t have to go out looking and doesn’t have to settle.  She only needs to keep doing what she’s doing.  That just means 1 of 2 things: she is destined to be married OR it isn’t time. You do know it’s okay if things don’t happen RIGHT now, right?

Lastly, if a woman is a part of a Bible teaching church and knows the Word but chooses not to live by it and apply it to her life and doesn’t prepare herself to be the woman of God Proverbs speaks of, then she must need NOT complain about being single and lonely.  Oh and just for kicks, being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely.

Regardless of a person’s race or local church body makeup, there is one thing that will never be different – God’s Word and that encompasses life and love.

Last word…as a leader in main stream news media, CNN should really stop trying to be all “deep” and stop trying to work out all the problems of  Blacks and other minorities (i.e. Black in America).  Who do they think they are? God?  Stick to reporting real headlines news and the things that affect us going forward if that’s still a CNN mission.  Blacks and minorities live their lives every day and feel the affects first hand and frankly don’t need the very thing we’re trying to overcome to be constantly played on by the media.  We know our own pains…trust me, and we don’t need you blowing up some personal blog on a topic that’s larger than your viewing audience.  Spirituality is a serious matter. Stop playing with it.
Peace – Kimberly

Intimacy is interchangeable with “relationship.” If intimacy is missing, nothing else will ever have a chance of surviving in that same place.

Got relationship?

Peace – Kimberly

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Peace – Kimberly

Peace – Kimberly

Before I go further, I accept the fact that after reading this, you may think I’m weird. So it’s cool. No love lost.

Several years (almost 6 to be exact) I found myself in the position of potentially becoming friends with a powerful individual associated with my, then, place of employment. In spite of what people said about this person and regardless of how many people didn’t like this person, I was drawn to them and it was obvious that we had a mutual respect for each other. However, we decided to keep professional separate from personal. That didn’t mean we cut off what we had. It just meant that we saw each other in a different light BUT with a mutual understanding.  Six years later, we have one of the best indirect relationships ever. Our understanding of each other isn’t flashed in front of the masses. We don’t go to lunch all the time. None of those things are needed. When its all said and done, we simply understand each other’s professional role with respect.

I told that story to preface what I’m about to say and do.  Don’t worry.  Rather than quoting the entire article, I’ll just suggest you read it for yourself.  Briefly, however, it basically says “Want to stay in that job you have? Then you’d better have friends….The happy truth is that the people who say they’re not here to make friends don’t win.”"

I totally dislike these two statements with a passion, and here’s why.

In my short, but well lived 28 years on this earth, I’ve experienced a lot of things in this very area, some more recent than others.  Out of it, I’ve become to believe that there are various levels and types of friends in the workplace, and I’m yet to experience true, true friendship in the workplace.  Close, but there’s always still “something” there.  Let me explain.

1. Type A – Only At The Office Friends – This one’s simple.  You’re only friends when you’re on the clock. No outside interaction, no after hours communications.  You’re basically two people in the same building/ company that on occasions hold conversations.
2. Type B – Skilled Flunky – “Yes, we’re friends, but only when your professional ability is valuable to my professional or personal needs.”  These words are never really said, but darn sure meant.
3. Type C – Borderline Real Friends – Another term for this is “Closet Friends.”  Closet Friendship is developed when you actually think you’re in a real, serious, trusting friendship, but then NOT REALLY. Here’s the schedule? Monday – Friday, you’re best buds.  You have lunch together, may even share a secret here or a secret there.  Every company function, you’re together laughing it up.  Saturday – Sunday, you may get a call, but often it’s for a quick favor.  When you invite them out on the weekends, they’re always busy with other friends.  You happen to end up at the same restaurant and you’re expecting a “Come sit with us.” but you get a pretty wave.  Monday roles back around, and all is good as gravy.
4. Type D – The Until You Friend - The Until You Friend is a hard one to figure out, but obvious to point out.  The Until You Friend is your biggest fan and supporter. Knows you like a brother or sister, compassionate, and passionate about your friendship UNTIL you show signs of your own mind, show that you’re not a spineless jelly-back, may actually want to do something with your own life and time that doesn’t cater to their needs.  The Until You Friend can’t stand you knowing the word ‘no’ and expects one-way support (you supporting them.)  All things “them” are important. All things “you” can wait.  The Until Friend places their own personal agendas over your friendship and are likely to get mad or cut you off when you:  1. Tell them they are wrong  2. Agree with someone they don’t like  3. Not support their ill mannered or immoral actions in spite of your decision being for the greater good.

Hopefully by now you’re seeing a pattern here.  In fact, if I keep going, all of the friend types will do two things: 1. Start to sound the same 2. Resonate with you on one level or another.  People use people, and this article encourages just that by advising silliness such as befriending people for selfish reasons.

Why Friends Matter at Work and in Life

Harvard Business Review

See you next week, Kathy (KNA)!

Peace and Love – Kimberly

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“Here I am; here I stand. Lord, my life is in your hands. Lord, I’m longing to see
your desires revealed in me. I give myself away…Take my heart; take my life as a living sacrifice. All my dreams, all my plans, Lord I place them in your hands…My life is not my own. To you, I belong. I give myself to you…I give myself away, so You can use me.” – W. McDowell

William McDowell – I Give Myself Away

In order to genuinely love, both parties must be able to handle the truth. It’s quite easy to always tailor make responses, reactions, and personalities, but when emotions erupt, so does the truth. Its better to let it all fly now than to let it build up and come crashing down. If you love me, tell me the truth. Because if I love you, I’ll take it.

Peace – Kimberly