Corporate Buddies

Ok, this is a first.  I don’t think I’ve did a commentary on a publication before, but if I have, oh well.  I read the article below, and immediately started writing this.  While I totally respect the author’s point of view, I felt a draw to bring it into perspective….my perspective. This article is well written and has some great points. However aiming for many of the things it suggests is exactly what causes us to lose focus on what we should.

Before I go further, I accept the fact that after reading this, you may think I’m weird. So it’s cool. No love lost.

Several years (almost 6 to be exact) I found myself in the position of potentially becoming friends with a powerful individual associated with my, then, place of employment. In spite of what people said about this person and regardless of how many people didn’t like this person, I was drawn to them and it was obvious that we had a mutual respect for each other. However, we decided to keep professional separate from personal. That didn’t mean we cut off what we had. It just meant that we saw each other in a different light BUT with a mutual understanding.  Six years later, we have one of the best indirect relationships ever. Our understanding of each other isn’t flashed in front of the masses. We don’t go to lunch all the time. None of those things are needed. When its all said and done, we simply understand each other’s professional role with respect.

I told that story to preface what I’m about to say and do.  Don’t worry.  Rather than quoting the entire article, I’ll just suggest you read it for yourself.  Briefly, however, it basically says “Want to stay in that job you have? Then you’d better have friends….The happy truth is that the people who say they’re not here to make friends don’t win.”"

I totally dislike these two statements with a passion, and here’s why.

In my short, but well lived 28 years on this earth, I’ve experienced a lot of things in this very area, some more recent than others.  Out of it, I’ve become to believe that there are various levels and types of friends in the workplace, and I’m yet to experience true, true friendship in the workplace.  Close, but there’s always still “something” there.  Let me explain.

1. Type A – Only At The Office Friends – This one’s simple.  You’re only friends when you’re on the clock. No outside interaction, no after hours communications.  You’re basically two people in the same building/ company that on occasions hold conversations.
2. Type B – Skilled Flunky – “Yes, we’re friends, but only when your professional ability is valuable to my professional or personal needs.”  These words are never really said, but darn sure meant.
3. Type C – Borderline Real Friends – Another term for this is “Closet Friends.”  Closet Friendship is developed when you actually think you’re in a real, serious, trusting friendship, but then NOT REALLY. Here’s the schedule? Monday – Friday, you’re best buds.  You have lunch together, may even share a secret here or a secret there.  Every company function, you’re together laughing it up.  Saturday – Sunday, you may get a call, but often it’s for a quick favor.  When you invite them out on the weekends, they’re always busy with other friends.  You happen to end up at the same restaurant and you’re expecting a “Come sit with us.” but you get a pretty wave.  Monday roles back around, and all is good as gravy.
4. Type D – The Until You Friend - The Until You Friend is a hard one to figure out, but obvious to point out.  The Until You Friend is your biggest fan and supporter. Knows you like a brother or sister, compassionate, and passionate about your friendship UNTIL you show signs of your own mind, show that you’re not a spineless jelly-back, may actually want to do something with your own life and time that doesn’t cater to their needs.  The Until You Friend can’t stand you knowing the word ‘no’ and expects one-way support (you supporting them.)  All things “them” are important. All things “you” can wait.  The Until Friend places their own personal agendas over your friendship and are likely to get mad or cut you off when you:  1. Tell them they are wrong  2. Agree with someone they don’t like  3. Not support their ill mannered or immoral actions in spite of your decision being for the greater good.

Hopefully by now you’re seeing a pattern here.  In fact, if I keep going, all of the friend types will do two things: 1. Start to sound the same 2. Resonate with you on one level or another.  People use people, and this article encourages just that by advising silliness such as befriending people for selfish reasons.

Why Friends Matter at Work and in Life

Harvard Business Review